

         
        
        
            Table of Contents
            
            Part 1. Alfred.
            Part 2. The Storm.
            Part 3. Friendly Advice.
            Part 4. "Nearly Nowhere" and "Nowhere."
            Part 5. Indestructible Friend.
            Part 6. A Lifelong Grudge. 
            
            Part 1. Alfred
            
            A certain robot, planning to go on a long and dangerous voyage, 
            heard of a most useful device which its inventor called an electric 
            friend. He would feel better, he thought, if he had a companion, 
            even a companion that was only a machine, so he went to the inventor 
            and asked to be shown an artificial friend. 
            "Sure," replied the inventor. (As you know, in fairy tales no one 
            says "sir" or "ma'am" to anyone else, not even to dragons, it's only 
            with the kings that you have to stand on ceremony.) With this he 
            pulled from his pocket a handful of metal granules, that looked like 
            fine shot. 
            "What is that?" said the robot in surprise. 
            "Tell me your name, for I forgot to ask it in the proper place of 
            this fairy tale," said the inventor. 
            "My name is Automatthew." 
            "That's too long for me, I'll call you Autom." 
            "Autom's from Automatom, but have it your way,-- replied the other. 
            "Well then, Autommy my lad, you have here before you a batch of 
            electrofriends. You ought to know that by vocation and 
            specialization I am a miniaturizer. Which means I make large and 
            heavy mechanisms small and portable. Each one of these granules is a 
            concentrate of electrical thought, highly versatile and intelligent. 
            I won't say a genius, for that would be an exaggeration if not false 
            advertising. True, my intention is precisely to create electrical 
            geniuses and I shall not rest until I have made them so very tiny 
            that it will be possible to carry thousands of them around in your 
            vest pocket; the day I can pour them into sacks and sell them by 
            weight, like sand, I will have achieved my most cherished goal. But 
            enough now of my plans for the future. For the time being I sell 
            electrofriends by the piece and cheaply at that: each costs as much 
            as its weight in diamonds. You'll see, I think, how very reasonable 
            the price is, when you consider that you can put an electrofriend in 
            your ear, where it will whisper good advice and supply you with all 
            kinds of information. Here's a bit of soft cotton, you stop up the 
            ear with it so your friend won't fall out when you tilt your head. 
            Will you take one? If you think you'd like a dozen, I might be able 
            to arrange a discount..." 
            "No, one will do for now," said Automatthew. "But I'd like some idea 
            of what I can expect of it. Will it be able to help me in a 
            difficult situation?" 
            "But of course, that's what it's for, after all!" replied the 
            inventor good-humoredly. He shook out on his palm a bunch of the 
            granules, which glittered metallically, being made of rare metals, 
            and continued: "Obviously you can't count on help in the physical 
            sense, but we are not speaking of that, I think. Helpful hints, 
            suggestions, cogent comments, sensible recommendations, good 
            observations, admonitions, warnings, words of caution, as well as 
            comfort, solace, encouragement, maxims to restore your faith in 
            yourself, and deep insights that will enable you to cope with any 
            situation, no matter how serious or even grave--this is only a small 
            part of the repertoire of my electrofriends. They are wholly 
            devoted, staunch, true, ever vigilant, because they never sleep; 
            they are also unbelievably durable, esthetic, and you can see for 
            yourself how very handy! So then, you are taking only one?" 
            "Yes," said Automatthew. "But there's another thing: could you tell 
            me what happens if someone steals it from me? Will it return? Or 
            bring about the thief's destruction?" 
            "As for that, no," answered the inventor. "It will serve him just as 
            diligently and faithfully as it did you. You can't ask too much, my 
            dear Autom, it will not desert you in your hour of need if you do 
            not desert it. But there is little chance of that--if you will just 
            place it in your ear and always keep the ear plugged up with 
            cotton..." 
            "Very well," agreed Automatthew. "And how am I to speak to it?" 
            "You needn't speak at all, whisper subvocally and it will hear you 
            perfectly. As for its name, I call it Alfred. Alf or Alfie will do." 
            
            "Good," said Automatthew. 
            They weighed Alfred, the inventor received for it a lovely little 
            diamond, and the robot, content that he now had a companion, a 
            fellow soul for the distant journey, proceeded on his way. 

        

            Part 2. The Storm
            Back to: TOC | Lem 
            It was most pleasant traveling with Alfred, which, if he so desired 
            it, would wake him each morning by whistling inside his head a soft 
            and cheerful reveille; it also told him various amusing anecdotes, 
            however Automatthew soon forbade it to do this when he was in the 
            presence of others, for they began to suspect him of lunacy, seeing 
            how every now and then he would burst into laughter for no apparent 
            reason. In this manner Automatthew traveled first by land, then 
            reached the seashore, where a beautiful white ship awaited him. He 
            had few possessions, thus in no time at all was ensconced in a cozy 
            little cabin and listening with satisfaction to the clatter that 
            announced the raising of the anchor and the start of a great sea 
            voyage. For several days the white ship merrily sailed the waves 
            beneath a beaming sun, and at night, all silvered by the moon, it 
            rocked him to sleep, till early one morning a terrible storm broke. 
            Waves three times higher than the masts buffeted the ship, which 
            creaked and groaned in all its joints, and the din was so dreadful 
            that Automatthew did not hear a single word of the many comforting 
            things Alfred was no doubt whispering to him during those unpleasant 
            moments. Suddenly there was an ungodly crash, salt water burst into 
            the cabin, and before the horrified eyes of Automatthew the ship 
            began to come apart. 
            He ran out on deck just as he was, and had barely leaped into the 
            last lifeboat when a monstrous wave loomed up, fell upon the vessel 
            and pulled it down into the churning ocean depths. Automatthew did 
            not see a single member of the crew, he was alone in the lifeboat, 
            alone in the midst of the raging sea, and he trembled, certain that 
            the next roller would sink the little boat and him along with it. 
            The wind howled, from the low clouds torrents lashed the heaving 
            surface of the sea, and he still could not hear what Alfred had to 
            say to him. Then in the confusion he observed some blurry shapes 
            covered with a seething white; this was the shore of an unknown 
            land, upon which the waves were breaking. With a loud scrape the 
            boat ran aground on some rocks, and Automatthew, thoroughly drenched 
            and dripping salt water, set off on shaky legs, with the last of his 
            strength, seeking the refuge of the land's interior, as far away as 
            possible from the ocean waves. At the foot of a rock he sank to 
            earth and fell into a dreamless sleep of exhaustion. 

        

            Part 3. Friendly Advice
            Back to: TOC | Lem 
            He was wakened by a tactful whistling. It was Alfred reminding him 
            of its friendly presence. 
            "Ah, how splendid that you're there, Alfred, only now do I see what 
            a good thing it is to have you with, or rather, in me!" cried 
            Automatthew, recovering his senses. He looked around. The sun was 
            shining, the sea was still choppy, but the menacing high waves had 
            disappeared, the thunderclouds, the rain. Unfortunately the boat had 
            disappeared as well. The storm must have raged in the night with 
            incredible force, sweeping up and carrying out to sea the boat that 
            had saved Automatthew. He jumped to his feet and began running along 
            the shore, only to return in ten minutes to the very same spot. He 
            was on a desert island, and a small one in the bargain. Not a 
            particularly encouraging state of affairs. But no matter, he had his 
            Alfred with him! He quickly informed it of just how things stood and 
            asked for some advice. 
            "Ha! Humph!" said Alfred. "A situation indeed! This will take a bit 
            of thought. What exactly do you require?" 
            "Require? Why, everything: help, rescue, clothes, means of 
            subsistence, there's nothing here but sand and rocks!" 
            "H'm! Is that a fact? You're quite sure? There are not lying about 
            somewhere along the beach chests from the wrecked ship, chests 
            filled with tools, utensils, interesting reading, garments for 
            different occasions, as well as gunpowder?" 
            Automatthew searched the length and breadth of the beach, but found 
            nothing, not so much as a splinter from the vessel, which apparently 
            had sunk all in one piece, like a stone. 
            "Nothing at all, you say? Most peculiar. The considerable literature 
            on life on desert islands proves irrefutably that a shipwrecked 
            person always finds at close hand axes, nails, fresh water, oil, 
            sacred books, saws, pliers, firearms, and a great number of other 
            useful items. But if not, then not. Is there at least a cave in the 
            rocks providing shelter?" 
            "No, there is no cave." 
            "What, no cave? Whoo, this is unusual! Would you be so good as to 
            climb onto the highest rock and cast an eye around?" 
            "I'll do it right away!" cried Automatthew, and scrambled up a steep 
            rock in the middle of the island, and froze: the little volcanic 
            island was surrounded on all sides by limitless ocean! 
            In a faltering voice he conveyed this news to Alfred, adjusting with 
            a shaky finger the cotton in his ear, so as not to lose his friend. 
            "How lucky I am that it didn't fall out when the ship went down," he 
            thought and, suddenly feeling fatigued, sat on a rock and waited 
            impatiently for friendly assistance. 
            "Now pay attention, my friend! Here is the advice I hasten to give 
            you in this difficult predicament!" finally came the tiny voice of 
            Alfred, so eagerly awaited. "On the basis of the calculations I have 
            made, I conclude that we find ourselves on an unknown island which 
            represents a kind of reef, or more precisely the summit of an 
            underwater mountain chain that is gradually emerging from the depths 
            and will join the mainland in three to four million years." 
            "Forget about the million years, what should I do now?!" exclaimed 
            Automatthew. 
            "The island lies far from all lanes of navigation. The chance of a 
            vessel accidentally appearing in the vicinity is one in four hundred 
            thousand." 
            "Good Lord!" cried the castaway, despairing. "This is terrible! What 
            then do you advise me to do?" 
            "I'll tell you in a minute, if you will just stop interrupting. 
            Proceed to the edge of the sea and enter the water, more or less 
            chest-high. In that way you will not have to bend over 
            unnecessarily, which would be cumbersome. Next you immerse your head 
            and take in as much water as you possibly can. The stuff is bitter, 
            I realize, but that will not last long. Particularly if at the same 
            time you continue marching forward. You'll soon grow heavy, and the 
            salt water, filling up your entrails, will in the twinkling of an 
            eye halt all organic processes and thereby instantly terminate your 
            existence. Thanks to this you will avoid the prolonged torment of 
            life upon this island, also the eventual anguish of a lingering 
            death, not to mention the likelihood of losing your sanity prior to 
            that. You might, in addition, hold a heavy stone in each hand. This 
            is not necessary, however..." 

        

            Part 4. "Nearly Nowhere" and "Nowhere"
            Back to: TOC | Lem 
            "You're mad!" shouted Automatthew, jumping up. "So I'm to drown 
            myself? You urge me to commit suicide? Some helpful advice, this! 
            And you call yourself my friend?!" 
            "Indeed yes!" Alfred replied. "I'm not a bit mad, madness doesn't 
            lie within my capabilities. I never lose my mental balance. All the 
            more unpleasant would it then be for me, dear friend, to be there 
            while you found yourself losing yours and slowly perished in the 
            rays of this scorching sun. I assure you, I have carefully analyzed 
            the entire situation and one by one ruled out every possibility of 
            rescue. You will not make a boat or raft, you haven't the materials 
            for that; no ship will come and save you, as has been already 
            pointed out; neither do airplanes fly over the island, and you in 
            turn cannot build yourself a flying machine. You could, of course, 
            choose a slow death over one that is swift and easy, but as your 
            closest friend I strongly advise you against so foolish a decision. 
            If you would only take a good, deep breath of water..." 
            "Your good, deep breath of water be damned!! " screamed Automatthew, 
            quivering with rage. "And to think that for a friend like this I 
            parted with a beautifully cut diamond! You know what your inventor 
            is? A common thief, a swindler, a fraud!" 
            "You'll surely retract those words when you have heard me out," said 
            Alfred quietly. 
            "You mean there's more? What now, do you intend regaling me with 
            tales of the afterlife that waits in store? Just what I need!" 
            "There is no life after death," said Alfred. "I shall not attempt to 
            deceive you, for I neither wish nor indeed am able to do so. This is 
            not how I understand the duty of a friend. Only listen to me 
            carefully, dear Automatthew! As you are aware, though in general one 
            gives no thought to it, the world is a place of infinite variety and 
            richness. In it you have magnificent cities, filled with mingled 
            voices and fabled treasures, you have royal palaces, hovels, 
            mountains enchanting and drear, murmuring groves, tranquil lakes, 
            torrid deserts and the endless snows of the North. Being what you 
            are, however, you cannot experience at a time more than one single, 
            solitary place among those I have mentioned and the millions I have 
            not. It can therefore be said--without exaggeration--that for the 
            places in which you are not present you represent, as it were, one 
            who is dead, for you are not enjoying the pleasures of palace 
            wealth, nor taking part in the dances of the countries of the South, 
            neither are you feasting your eyes upon the rainbow ices of the 
            North. They do not exist for you, in exactly the same way that they 
            do not exist in death. By the same token, if you use your mind and 
            ponder well what I am telling you, you will realize that in not 
            being everywhere, that is, in all those fascinating places, you are 
            nearly nowhere at all. For there are, as I said, millions upon 
            millions of places to be, while you are able to experience this one 
            place only, an uninteresting place, unpleasant even, in its 
            monotony, bah--repulsive, this little island here of rocks. Now 
            between 'everywhere' and 'nearly nowhere' the difference is enormous 
            and it constitutes your normal lot in life, for you always have been 
            in only one, single, solitary place at a given time. On the other 
            hand between 'nearly nowhere' and 'nowhere' the difference is, quite 
            honestly, microscopic. And so the mathematics of sensations proves 
            that even now you can barely be considered alive, for your absence 
            is everywhere, like one departed! That is the first thing. 
            "Secondly: gaze upon this sand mixed with gravel, which digs into 
            your tender feet--do you consider it invaluable? Assuredly not. 
            Behold this great quantity of salt water, its revolting 
            abundance--is it of use to you? Hardly! Here are some rocks and 
            there, above you, a broiling sky that dries up the joints in your 
            limbs. Do you need this unendurable heat, these lifeless, burning 
            boulders? Of course you don't! And therefore you have absolutely no 
            need of all the things surrounding you, of that on which you stand, 
            of that which spreads above you from horizon to horizon. What will 
            remain, if one takes this away? A little hum in the head, a pressure 
            in the temples, a pounding in the chest, some trembling at the 
            knees, and other such chaotic agitations. Do you need, in turn, this 
            hum, pressure, pounding and trembling? Not one whit, dear 
            Automatthew! And if this also is relinquished, what then remains? A 
            few racing thoughts, those expressions--very like curses--which in 
            your heart you are hurling at me now, your own friend, and in 
            addition to this a choking anger and a sickening fear. Do you 
            need--I ask you finally--this wretched terror and this futile rage? 
            Obviously you can do without them. If then we take away those 
            useless feelings as well, what is left is nothing, nothing, I tell 
            you, zero, and it is precisely this zero, this state of infinite 
            patience, unbroken silence and perfect peace, that I wish for you, 
            as your true friend, to have!" 
            "But I want to live!" howled Automatthew. "To live! To live!! Do you 
            hear me?!" 
            "Ah, we are speaking now not of what you experience, but of what you 
            desire," answered Alfred calmly. "You wish to live, in other words 
            to possess a future which will become your present, for this--after 
            all--is what living amounts to. There is nothing more to it than 
            that. But live you will not, for you cannot, as we already 
            determined. The only question then is in what manner you will cease 
            to live--whether in protracted agony or, instead, easily, when with 
            one quick gulp of water..." 
            "Enough! No more! Go away! Get out!!" screamed Automatthew with all 
            his might, jumping up and down with his fists clenched. 
            "Now what is this?" returned Alfred. "Putting aside for the moment 
            the insulting form of that command, which does bring to mind our 
            declaration of friendship, really, how can you express yourself so 
            unreasonably? How can you say to me 'Get out'? Do I have legs, on 
            which I might depart? Or even arms, to crawl away? You know 
            perfectly well that such is not the case. If you wish to be rid of 
            me, then kindly remove me from your ear, which--I assure you--is not 
            the most convenient place in the world to be, and throw me 
            somewhere!" 
            "Fine!" yelled Automatthew in a fury. "I'll do it right now!" But in 
            vain did he dig and poke in his ear, using his finger. His friend 
            had been too carefully wedged within and in no way could he extract 
            it, though he shook his head in all directions like one insane. 
            "That evidently isn't going to work," Alfred observed after a long 
            pause. "It would appear that we shall not part, though this is 
            neither to your liking nor to mine. If so, then it is a fact we must 
            accept, for facts have this about them, that the truth is always on 
            their side. Which applies equally--I note in passing--to your 
            current situation. You wish to have a future, and at any price. This 
            seems to me the height of folly, but very well, so be it. Permit me 
            then to depict this future for you in rough outline, since the known 
            is always preferable to the unknown. 
            "The anger which presently convulses you will shortly give way to a 
            feeling of helpless despair, and this, after a series of efforts--as 
            violent as they will be unavailing--to find some avenue of escape, 
            will yield in turn to a mindless stupor. Meanwhile the driving heat 
            of the sun, which reaches even me in this shaded portion of your 
            person, will, in accordance with the unrelenting laws of physics and 
            chemistry, dry out more and more your entire being. First the oil in 
            your joints will evaporate off, and the least movement will cause 
            you to squeak and creak dreadfully, poor devil! Next, as your skull 
            begins to bake in the searing heat, you will see whirling circles of 
            various colors, but this will bear no similarity to a rainbow, 
            because..." 
            "Will you be quiet, you intolerable pest?!" cried Automatthew. "I 
            don't want to hear what's going to happen to me! Silence, not 
            another word, do you understand?!" 
            "You needn't shout. You know perfectly well that your every whisper, 
            however low, can reach me. And so you do not wish to learn of the 
            torments that your future holds? Yet on the other hand you wish to 
            have that future? How illogical! Very well, in that case I will be 
            silent. I only point out that it is inappropriate for you to be 
            concentrating your anger on me, as though I were to blame for this 
            highly regrettable situation you are in. The cause of the misfortune 
            was, of course, the storm, while I am your friend and my 
            participation in the tortures that await you, that entire 
            spectacle--divided into acts--of suffering and slow death, even now 
            it grieves me to think upon it, yes, the horrifying prospect of what 
            will happen when your oil..." 
            "So you won't stop then? Or is it that you can't, you little 
            monster?!" bellowed Automatthew, and struck himself a blow in the 
            ear that housed his friend. "Oh, if only I had here, in my hand, a 
            stick of some sort, a piece of a twig, which I could use to pry you 
            out, I'd do it and grind you beneath my heel in no time!"
            "You dream of destroying me?" said Alfred, saddened. "Truly, you do 
            not deserve an electrofriend, nor any other sympathizing fellow 
            creature!" 
            Automatthew flared up anew at this and so they quarreled, argued and 
            disputed till the day was almost over, and the poor robot, exhausted 
            from all his screaming, jumping and fist-waving, and suddenly 
            feeling very weak, sat down on a stone where, heaving sighs of 
            hopelessness every now and then, he stared out at the empty ocean. A 
            couple of times he took the edge of a small cloud peering out over 
            the horizon for the smoke of a steamship, but these illusions Alfred 
            quickly dispelled, reminding him of the one-in-four-hundred-thousand 
            probability, which again drove Automatthew to paroxysms of despair 
            and rage, all the more in that each time, as it turned out, Alfred 
            was right. Finally a long silence fell between them. The castaway 
            now gazed at the lengthening shadows of the rocks, which stretched 
            across the white sand of the beach, when Alfred spoke: 
            "Why do you say nothing? Can it be that those circles I mentioned 
            are even now swimming before your eyes?" 
            Automatthew did not bother to reply. 
            "Aha!" Alfred went on, in monologue. "So it's not only the circles 
            but, in all likelihood, also that mindless torpor which I so 
            accurately predicted. Remarkable, really, the lack of sense 
            displayed by an intelligent being, particularly when beset by 
            circumstances. You trap it on a desert island, where it must perish, 
            you prove as two and two are four that this is inescapable, you show 
            it a way out of the situation, in the taking of which, it will be 
            making the only use it can of its will and reason--and is it 
            thankful? Oh no, it wants hope, and if there is none and can be 
            none, it clings to false hope and would rather sink into madness 
            than into the water which..." 
            "Stop talking about the water!!" croaked Automatthew. 
            "I was only demonstrating the irrationality of your motives," 
            answered Alfred. "I no longer urge anything upon you. That is, any 
            action, for if you wish to die slowly, or rather, by wishing to do 
            nothing in general, you undertake that type of dying, then one must 
            think this through properly. Consider how erroneous and unwise it is 
            to fear death, a state that deserves, rather, vindication! For what 
            can equal the perfection of nonexistence? True, the agony leading up 
            to it does not, in itself, present an especially attractive 
            phenomenon, on the other hand there has never yet been one so feeble 
            in mind or body that he could not endure it and proved unable to die 
            his death completely, all the way and to the very end. It is not, 
            then, a thing of much significance, if any dolt, weakling and 
            good-for-nothing can do it. And if absolutely everyone can handle it 
            (and you must admit that this is so, I at least have never heard of 
            anyone unequal to the task), it is better to think with delight on 
            the all-merciful nothingness that lies just beyond its threshold. 
            Because, when one has passed away, it is impossible to think, 
            inasmuch as death and thought are mutually exclusive, and therefore 
            when else, if not while still in life, is it fitting to 
            contemplate--sensibly and particularly--all those privileges, 
            conveniences and pleasures which death will bestow so generously 
            upon you?! 
            "Picture if you will: no struggles, no anxieties or apprehensions, 
            no suffering of the body or the soul, no unhappy accidents, and this 
            on what a scale! Why, even if all the world's evil forces were to 
            join and conspire against you, they would not reach you! Truly, 
            nothing can compare with the sweet security of one who is no more! 
            And if furthermore you consider that this security is not something 
            transient, fleeting, impermanent, that nothing may repeal or intrude 
            upon it, then with what boundless joy..." 
            "Drop dead," came the weak voice of Automatthew and, accompanying 
            those laconic words, a short but pungent oath. 
            "How I regret that I cannot!" Alfred instantly replied. "Not only 
            feelings of egoistic envy (for there is nothing to compare with 
            death, as I've just said), but the purest altruism inclines me to 
            accompany you into oblivion. But alas, this is not possible, since 
            my inventor made me indestructible, no doubt to serve his 
            constructor's pride. Truly, when I think of how I will remain inside 
            your brine-encrusted, desiccated corpse, whose disintegration will 
            go slowly, I am sure, and how I will sit there and converse with 
            myself--it fills me with sorrow. And all the waiting there will be, 
            afterwards, before at last that one-in four-hundred-thousandth 
            vessel, in keeping with the laws of probability, chances upon this 
            little island..." "What?! You will not waste away here?!" exclaimed 
            Automatthew, roused from his lethargy by these words of Alfred. 
            "Then you will go on living, while I, while I... Oh no! Not a 
            chance! Never! Never!! Never!!!" 
            And with a dreadful roar he leaped to his feet and began to hop, 
            jerk his head, dig in his ear with all his might, performing 
            throughout the most amazing twists and tosses with his body--in 
            vain, however. While all this went on, Alfred piped at the top of 
            its voice: 
            "Now really, stop! What, have you lost your mind already? It's too 
            soon for that! Careful, you'll hurt yourself! You could break or 
            maybe sprain something! Watch out for the neck! Come, this makes no 
            sense! It would be a different thing if you could, well, get it over 
            with all at once... but this way you'll only injure yourself! I told 
            you I'm indestructible and that's that, it's useless for you to go 
            to all this trouble! Even if you were to shake me out, you still 
            couldn't do me any harm, that is, any good--I meant to say--since in 
            accordance with what I have already expounded at such length, death 
            is a thing to be envied. Ow! Stop, please! How can you jump about 
            like that?" 
            Automatthew however continued to hurl himself, heedless of 
            everything, and finally took to ramming his head against the rock on 
            which he had been sitting before. And he rammed and rammed, with 
            sparks in his eyes and a cloud of powder in his nostrils, deafened 
            by the force of his own blows, until Alfred popped suddenly from his 
            ear and rolled between some stones with a faint cry of relief, that 
            it had finally ended. 

        

            Part 5. Indestructible Friend
            Back to: TOC | Lem 
            Automatthew did not at first notice that his efforts had met with 
            success. Sinking down upon a sun-scorched stone, he rested there 
            awhile, and then, still unable to move his arms or legs, mumbled: 
            "Don't worry, it's only a momentary weakness. I'll shake you out 
            yet, yes, then under the heel you go, my dear friend, do you hear? 
            Do you hear? Hey! What's this?!" 
            He sat up quickly, aware of an emptiness in his ear. He looked 
            around, his mind not al together clear, and, getting down on his 
            hands and knees, began feverishly hunting for Alfred in the gravel. 
            "Alfred! Aaaal-fred!!! Where are you? Answer me!!" he hollered all 
            the while. But Alfred, whether out of wariness or for some other 
            reason, didn't make a sound. Automatthew then began to lure it with 
            the tenderest words, assured it that he had changed his mind, that 
            his only desire was to follow the good advice of his electrofriend 
            and drown himself, he only wanted first to hear it say once more how 
            wonderful death was. But this didn't work either, Alfred said 
            nothing. Then the castaway, cursing up and down, systematically 
            began to search inch by inch the surrounding area. Suddenly, in the 
            middle of throwing away a handful of gravel, Automatthew raised it 
            to his eyes and started trembling with evil delight, for among the 
            pebbles he spotted Alfred, a dully gleaming, serenely shining tiny 
            grain of metal. 
            "Ah! There you are, my little chum! There you are, old speck! I have 
            you now, my fine, forever-lasting friend!" he hissed, carefully 
            squeezing between his fingers Alfred, which didn't make so much as a 
            peep. "And now we'll see about that indestructibility of yours, yes, 
            we'll test it out right now. Take that!!!" 
            These words were accompanied by a powerful concussion; having placed 
            his electrofriend on the surface of a rock, Automatthew jumped upon 
            it with all his weight, and for good measure pivoted on his steel 
            heel until it made a screech. Alfred said nothing, only the rock 
            seemed to complain beneath that grinding drill; bending over, 
            Automatthew saw that the tiny granule hadn't been touched, only the 
            rock under it was a trifle dented. Alfred now lay in that small 
            depression. 
            "Strong, are you? We'll find a harder stone!" he growled, and began 
            running back and forth across the island, looking for the toughest 
            possible flints, basalts and porphyries, in order to crush Alfred 
            upon them. And as he pounded it with his heels, he spoke to it with 
            affected calm, or sometimes hurled insults at it, as if in the 
            expectation that it would reply or perhaps even burst into pleas and 
            entreaties. Alfred however said nothing. The air carried only the 
            echoes of heavy thuds, trampling, the crumbling of stone and the 
            panting and swearing of Automatthew. After a long time Automatthew 
            came to the conclusion that the most terrible blows would in fact 
            cause Alfred no harm, and, feverish and weak, he sat once more upon 
            the shore, his electrofriend in his hand. 
            "Even if I cannot smash you," he said with seeming composure, though 
            barely able to control his rage, "have no fear, I will take proper 
            care of you. For that vessel of yours you will have to wait, my good 
            friend, since I shall throw you to the bottom of the sea and there 
            you will lie for an eternity or more. You will have abundant time 
            for pleasant meditations in that so hermetic solitude! I will see to 
            it you do not gain a new friend!" 
            "My dear fellow," said Alfred unexpectedly. "And what will it matter 
            to me, to live on the ocean floor? You think in the categories of an 
            impermanent being, hence your error. Understand that either the sea 
            must someday dry up, or else first its entire bottom will rise like 
            a mountain and become land. Whether this happens in a hundred 
            thousand years or in a hundred million is of no consequence to me. 
            Not only am I indestructible, but infinitely patient, as indeed you 
            might have observed, if only by the calm with which I endured the 
            manifestations of your blindness. I'll tell you more: I did not 
            respond to your calls, but rather let you search for me, for I 
            wished to spare you unnecessary excitement. Also I was silent while 
            you jumped on me, so as not to increase your fury with an 
            inadvertent word, since this could have done you further injury." 
            Automatthew, upon hearing this noble-minded explanation, shook with 
            renewed anger. 
            "I'll smash you! I'll grind you to dust, you, you bastard!!" he 
            bellowed, and that crazy dance among the rocks, the leaps, the 
            lunges, the stamping in place, began all over again. This time 
            however the well-wishing squeaks of Alfred joined in: 
            "I don't think you can do it, but let's give it a try! Go ahead! And 
            again! No, not that way, you'll tire too quickly! Legs together! 
            That's right--and up! One-two, and-a-one, and-a-two! Jump higher, 
            higher, the impact will be greater! What, you can't? Really? Don't 
            have it in you? Ah yes, yes, now there's an idea! Drop a rock from 
            above! That's it, good! Try another? Don't have any larger? One more 
            time, now! Wham! Bam! Go to it, dear friend! What a shame I can't 
            pitch in and help! Why are you stopping? Worn out so soon? What a 
            shame... Well, no matter... I can wait, you rest yourself! Let the 
            breeze cool you off..." 
            Automatthew collapsed with a clatter on the rocks and gazed with 
            burning hatred at the metal grain that lay in his open hand, and he 
            listened--he could not choose but listen--as it spoke: 
            "If I were not your electrofriend, I would say that you are behaving 
            disgracefully. The ship went down on account of the storm, you saved 
            yourself along with me, I gave you what advice I could, but then, 
            when I failed to come up with a means of rescue, since that was 
            impossible, you made up your mind--for my words of simple truth and 
            honest counsel--to destroy me, me, your only companion. It's true 
            that in this way you at least acquired some purpose in life, so for 
            that alone you owe me gratitude. Strange, though, that you should 
            find so hateful the thought of my surviving..." 
            "Surviving? That remains to be seen!" snarled Automatthew. 
            "No, really, you are too much. Here's a thought. Why not place me on 
            the buckle of your belt? It's steel, and steel I think is harder 
            than rock. Worth a try, though personally I'm convinced it's quite 
            useless, yet I'd like to be of help..." 
            Automatthew, albeit with a certain reluctance, finally followed this 
            suggestion, but all he succeeded in doing was cover the surface of 
            his buckle with tiny pit holes, produced by frenzied blows. When 
            even the most desperate of his strokes proved harmless, Automatthew 
            fell into a truly black despair and, sapped of strength, stared 
            dully at the metal mote, which spoke to him in its high-pitched 
            voice: 
            "And this is supposed to be an intelligent being! He falls into deep 
            dejection because he cannot wipe off the face of the earth the only 
            fellow creature he has in all this dead expanse! Tell me, dear 
            Automatthew, aren't you just a little ashamed of yourself?" 
            "Shut up, you worthless chatterbox!" hissed the castaway. 
            "Why should I shut up? If I'd wished you ill, you know, I would have 
            shut up long ago, but I remain your true electrofriend. I will keep 
            you company in your death agonies like a steadfast brother, no 
            matter what you do, and no, you will not cast me into the sea, my 
            dear, for it is always better to have an audience. I will be the 
            audience of your final throes, which thereby surely will turn out 
            better than they would in utter isolation; the important thing is 
            emotion, it matters not what kind. Hatred for me, your genuine 
            friend, will sustain you, give you courage, lift up your spirits, 
            impart to your groans a true and convincing ring, also it will 
            systematize your twitchings and bring order to each of your last 
            moments, and that is no small thing... As for myself, I promise I 
            shall speak little and avoid commenting, for were I to do otherwise, 
            I might--without meaning to--break you with an excess of friendship, 
            which you could not withstand, since to tell the truth you have a 
            nasty character. However I shall manage this as well, and, by 
            returning kindness for unkindness, conquer you, and in this way save 
            you from yourself--out of friendship, I repeat, but not blind 
            friendship, for affection does not close my eyes to the baseness of 
            your nature..." These words were interrupted by a roar, that issued 
            suddenly from the breast of Automatthew. 
            "A ship! A ship!! A ship!!!" he shrieked wildly and, jumping to his 
            feet, began to run back and forth along the shore, hurling stones in 
            the water, waving his arms with all his might, but mainly screaming 
            at the top of his voice until he grew completely hoarse--all without 
            need, for a ship was clearly approaching the island and before very 
            long had sent out a rescue boat. 

        

            Part 6. A Lifelong Grudge
            Back to: TOC | Lem 
            As it developed later, the captain of the vessel that had carried 
            Automatthew, just before it sank, succeeded in sending a 
            radiotelegram calling for help, thanks to which that region of the 
            sea was scoured by numerous ships, and it was one of these that 
            found the island. As the rowboat with the sailors neared the shore 
            in shallow water, Automatthew's first impulse was to jump into it 
            himself, but after a moment's thought he ran back for Alfred, 
            fearing the latter might raise a cry, which the others might hear, 
            and that could lead to embarrassing questions, possibly even 
            accusations made by his electrofriend. To avoid this, he grabbed up 
            Alfred and, not knowing how or where to hide it, hurriedly inserted 
            it back into his ear. There followed effusive scenes of greeting and 
            thanks, during which Automatthew conducted himself very noisily, 
            afraid that one of the sailors might overhear the tiny voice of 
            Alfred. For all this time his electrofriend was saying, over and 
            over: 
            "Well, but this was really unexpected! One chance in four hundred 
            thousand... What amazing luck! I would hope now that our relations 
            improve, yes, we shall get on splendidly together, especially as I 
            refused you nothing in your moments of greatest trial, besides which 
            I can be discreet and know how to let bygones be bygones!" 
            When, after a long voyage, the ship came to port, Automatthew 
            surprised everyone by expressing a desire, incomprehensible to them, 
            to visit a nearby ironworks, which boasted a great steam hammer. It 
            was said that in the course of this visit he behaved somewhat 
            strangely, for, having gone up to the steel anvil in the main shop, 
            he began shaking his head violently, as if he intended to knock the 
            very brains out through his ear and into his raised hand, and he 
            even hopped on one leg; those present, however, made as if they 
            didn't notice, judging that a person so recently rescued from 
            terrible straits might well be given to eccentricities, the product 
            of an unbalanced mind. And indeed, afterwards Automatthew changed 
            his former way of life, seemingly falling into one mania after 
            another. Once he gathered explosives of some sort, and even tried 
            setting them off in his own room, the neighbors however put a stop 
            to that, they went straight to the authorities; and once, for no 
            apparent reason, he took to collecting hammers and carborundum 
            files, telling his acquaintances that he planned to build a new type 
            of mind-reading machine. Later on he became a recluse and acquired 
            the habit of conversing with himself, and sometimes you could hear 
            him running about the house in loud soliloquy, even shouting words 
            very much like curses. 
            Finally, after many years, developing a new obsession, he began to 
            buy cement, sacks and sacks of it. From this he fashioned an 
            enormous sphere and, when the thing had hardened, carted it off to 
            an unknown destination. It has been said that he hired himself out 
            as a caretaker at an abandoned mine, that one dark night he dropped 
            down its shaft an enormous block of concrete, and thereafter, to the 
            end of his days, he prowled the vicinity, and there was not a piece 
            of garbage he would not pick up, in order to throw it down that 
            empty shaft. True, his ways were rather strange, but most of these 
            rumors do not--I think--merit credence. It is difficult to believe 
            that for all those years he harbored in his heart a grudge against 
            his electrofriend, to which--after all--he owed so much. 
            